Saying "Sorry"
Out of thousands that I've handled, in only one toxic tort case did I think my client actually had done anything wrong. The demand was the same as usual, of course; cancer cases are valued on the basis of type and damages and, and to a lesser extent, causation - not fault. So what happened at the mediation of that case was completely unexpected.
After the usual presentations by the lawyers my client representative asked to address the widow directly. She rose and, as best as I can recall, said that the company had failed to fulfill its promise to one who worked for it, said we're better than that, and then said "on behalf of those who founded this company and those who work there today I apologize to you and promise this will not happen again". The widow and my representative, both crying, then hugged.
The mediator suggested a break and that we retire to our separate rooms. Shortly thereafter the mediator knocked on our door and upon entering announced that he had a demand we couldn't refuse. The demand was indeed within our authority though at the high end. We accepted on the spot, my representative saying that to negotiate further would be faithless. Plaintiff's counsel was furious and said that day, and has said several times since, that he'd never bring his client to a mediation with that defendant again.
I'm not sure exactly why the apology worked so well. I've seen other apologies. Most did nothing to alter the parties' positions and a couple produced fireworks that made the cases impossible to settle. So if an apology is in order something about its content and how it's delivered will determine its success. But what?
Apparently you cannot craft a good apology unless you understand the plaintiff's own narrative of the story of her life. Once the "components" of your apology fit the apology predicted by that narrative you have a chance at forgiveness. Otherwise, apparently you're wasting your breath. See "When Apologies Work: How Matching Apology Components to Victims' Self-Construals Facilitates Forgiveness". Hat tip: Mind Hacks
